The Heart of Life is Good

This evening I went on a very wonderful bike ride with a very lovely girl. Fantastic girl, in fact. To me, she symbolizes Good. Not only Good itself, but the ways in which a person looks for it, and finds it. I don't mean Good in terms of "perfection", but just being happy, and comfortable. Having a perfect balance in life. Or more accurately, the path to which a person finds that. I can't articulate it very well.

Really, I just love and admire her very much, and value our friendship so much.

Ugh. High School.

I bought a dress for Grad.
Not at Grad Dress.
It's nice.

I'm excited to wear the dress. I'm not particularly thrilled for the night itself, but I am extremely excited for what it represents:
The END.

Reminder of a fourteenth summer

Ambiguous Arrogance and Ignorance

Yesterday I put a great deal of effort into a conversation to remove a big chunk of bullshit from my life, and ended up adding a whole lot more. How does this always happen?
I feel so confused about that entire conversation. I don't think I could have received a more ambiguous solution to my unease.
I'm frustrated with the fact that once again, I failed to confidently put across my feelings, and left both of us confused about what I'm looking for.
Maybe what I'm looking for, just isn't there, and no matter how much I passively demand it, it's never going to come. Whether it doesn't exist, or he is not willing to give it to me, I'm not sure.

Humidity

I listen to music that I loved in the summer, and I can feel humidity wrap around me. I see the green glow from lush trees, and I feel warm wind on my face. It's like there is still sand stuck to my skin.
In summer I feel more human than any other time.
It makes me so happy that there are only good things are to come in my life. I'm not sure what exactly will happen, but I feel like I am done with dealing with bullshit. I don't want to play that game anymore. Knowing that, I feel like I can make my life whatever I want it to be.
And that feels like humidity.

"I'm so White"

I'm the first to admit, I am very White. I buy expensive sandwiches, I don't have TV, I wear Birkenstocks, I buy food from Farmers Markets, I belong to a non-profit organization, and the list definitely goes on. It's funny, and I think it's great that there is a definite, documented, derogatory (if only slightly) stereotype associated with my race.

I would just like to point out, though, that

THE MOST WHITE THING OF ALL,

is associating with Whiteness. That includes:
reading the book
calling yourself or others white
wearing the shirts
taking the "Whiteness" tests
reading the blog
etc, etc.

(Manifest)

I realize now, that I misheard the real lyrics to this song, and they really don't apply to me. But for the purposes of making me feel better about my current position, I will post the lyrics as such:

So tell me nothing matters less or more,
Say whatever we think actions are.
We'll never know what anything was for,
if near is just as far away as far.
If I'm permitted one act I can say,
I choose to sit here next to you and wait.

School Sucks

As of, like, the beginning of this week, I realized I hate school.
I don't have any motivation to do any of my work.
The halls depress me, and the teachers make my ears ring.
My high-volume-iPod-hallway-walk-escapes are pretty frequent these days.
The social aspect of high school is the only thing I'd like to hang on to.
Our grade is getting along really well, and I have become better friends with so many people.

As much as I'm shit scared to go to university,
I really can't wait to get there, and focus on my music.
I'm in a bit of a rut now that I've auditioned and gotten in. I don't have anything major to prepare for. NYB, I guess, but that doesn't feel like a big deal to me. I know it will be fun.
I want to make music, not just practice.
BAND CLASS is definitely not fulfilling that craving for me.
It's okay though,
CHERLET-bound, we are!